Time to Laugh with the Doctor

6971231_sMom, it is time to laugh! I know you are trying to eat healthy as well as making sure your family is eating veggies everyday and taking their multi vitamins. You may still be trying to get into your spring and summer clothes. Whatever your challenge is, please relax and enjoy some humor.

“I love this Doctor!”

Q. Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A. Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it…don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that ‘s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q. Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A. You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q. How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A. Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q. What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A. Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain… Good!!

Q. Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A. YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!!…Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q. Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A. Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q. Is chocolate bad for me?

A. Are you crazy? HELLO! Coco beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q. Is swimming good for your figure?

A. If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q. Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A. Hey! ‘Round is a shape!

 

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. AND…. For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans eat lots of sausages and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. ¬†Speaking English is apparently what kills you.”

 

Moms, you are prettier when you smile. You relieve stress when you can laugh during your busy day.

Proverbs 17:22 “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”

(Medical advice to live by – Bert Christensen’s cyberspace home)

 

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